A First Order Christmas
by Ellethiriel
Summary: Hux decides to throw a First Order Christmas party. Kylo is not pleased. Part of the Fanfiction Christmas Countdown. No slash.


**Here's my story for the Fanfiction Christmas Countdown. It's extremely random. XD Hope you guys enjoy!**

* * *

It was a beauteous wintry morning at Starkiller Base. Kylo Ren strode along through the snowy forest, out for his morning stroll. He never failed to take these morning walks, since not only did they afford him a breath of fresh air, but also allowed him some time to meditate on the many glories of the Dark Side. All in all, he was feeling good and appropriately Sith-like, until he emerged from the woods and saw a shocking sight.

Up on the wide stage from which announcements were given, Hux and a group of stormtroopers were busily engaged in stringing up colored lights and hanging enormous wreaths adorned with garish red bows.

Kylo marched over to the stage and waltzed up the side steps. "What is the meaning of this?" he demanded through his mask.

"It's Christmas!" proclaimed Hux cheerily, not deigning to look at him.

" _What_."

"Have to keep up the troops' morale!"

"But _Christmas_?!" sputtered Kylo, feeling another tantrum coming on. All this holiday cheer was seriously stifling his emo spirit.

"Yep! There's even a Christmas party scheduled for tonight, and everyone's invited!"

Kylo felt sorely tempted to Force-choke Hux right then and there, but knowing that would incur Snoke's wrath, he settled for choking a passing woodpigeon. It plummeted to earth in his wake as he marched away.

Hux was _so_ in trouble once he reported him to Snoke.

* * *

In the secret hologram chamber, Kylo slammed the comm button to contact Snoke. He had removed his helmet, thus freeing his amazing hair (of which he was very proud).

"Masterrr!" he howled as Snoke's hologram fizzled into existence. It was a singularly bad connection - he could hardly make out Snoke's face. Which was probably for the best, since Snoke was the kind of person who got uglier the more you looked at him. "Yes?" the alien inquired.

Kylo forced the whine out of his voice. "Hux is setting up a Christmas party for all the troops!"

The hologram chose that moment to flicker into sharper focus, and to his horror, Kylo saw that Snoke was wearing a Santa hat. He gulped. No support would be forthcoming from Snoke after all.

"And what's wrong with Christmas?" Snoke hollered jovially, leaning back in his chair and swishing a glass of champagne. "It's the most wonderful time of the year!"

Kylo was screaming internally. "Um... don't you think it kinda ruins the effect we're going for here, you know, being the evilest people in the galaxy?"

"Not at all! Hux suggested we celebrate it this year, since the troops were in low spirits. I insist you go and join in the festivities!"

Kylo just stood there dumbly, and the two of them blinked at each other for a good minute.

"That's an order, my apprentice."

"Cool beans," Kylo said, grinning with false cheer, and he finger-gunned Snoke as he Force-pressed the comm button off. Once Snoke had vanished, he stormed out of the room and destroyed an inoffensive communications array.

Seriously, this party was going to wreck the First Order's street cred.

* * *

Evening found him below the main announcement platform, where the partiers were gathered. All around him were quantities of wreaths and stupid cheap lights that Hux had found in a storage closet. A couple of bonfires were roaring. Some helmetless stormtroopers were happily building a snowbantha in the middle of the assembly field, and many others were eating from a lengthy buffet table.

"Great party, huh?" asked Phasma, coming up behind Kylo and clapping him on the back so hard he nearly fell over. "Although I'm a little concerned about the fireworks we're having later! Might overwhelm the power grid, y'know." She was uncharacteristically helmetless as well, and her staticked blonde hair was sticking straight out from her head. Kylo absentmindedly thought she looked like an electrocuted Wookiee.

"Not really a great party, no."

"Well, I'm lovin' it!" Phasma said cheerfully. She swallowed the last drop of punch in her glass and beckoned a passing stormtrooper. "Hey, you! FN-2187! Get me some more punch!" She tossed the glass at him and he scurried off to obey.

"Yeah, okay then..." Kylo said, walking away from the annoying Phasma and standing in the shelter of a TIE fighter. It was getting uncomfortably hot inside his helmet, so he finally removed it and just stood there being angsty. It was what he was best at, after all.

Then Phasma sidled up next to him. "Heyyyy again!" She knocked back a big gulp of punch, wiped her mouth, and threw an arm around his shoulders. "I'm having, like, such an amazing time! Have you tried the roasted Rokarian dirt-fish they've got over there? It's positively divine!"

"Never been much of a fan of Rokarian dirt-fish. If you didn't know, it lives in the dirt."

"It's _super_ good, though."

Kylo clenched his fists, leaned close to her, and kept his voice dangerously level as he spoke into her ear. _"Will you please just go and bother someone else?!"_

Phasma leaned away from his breath. "Seriously, dude... have you been on a diet of raw garlic for the past rotation? You stink."

Kylo was taken aback by sudden embarrassment. "Wait, really?" He huffed in his palm and wrinkled his nose. "Wow, you're right."

Phasma patted him comfortingly. "Don't worry, I always carry breath mints." She rooted around in a pocket in her armor and offered him a packet. Kylo squinted at the label, which proclaimed the mints' ability to neutralize even the worst bantha breath. Then he popped one in his mouth. Tasted pretty good.

Suddenly, Hux waltzed over to them. "Enjoying the party? We're gonna have a fireworks display shortly!"

"Good luck with that!" Phasma said jovially. "Don't think the power grid we're on can handle all of that and the lights right now."

Hux sniffed and waved a hand. "Yeah, right." Then he looked above them and grinned stupidly. "Hey, look. Mistletoe!" He winked.

Kylo and Phasma simultaneously looked up. Tied to the TIE above them was a large clump of mistletoe.

"Oh, kriff it," said Kylo.

Phasma rounded on him, but he never knew what she said, because just then one firework went off. And immediately, every Christmas light in the area blinked out.

In the dying glare of the lone firework, Kylo saw a crestfallen Hux staring open-mouthed at the now mostly-darkened party. Only the two bonfires provided any real light.

Dead silence fell over all the partygoers.

" _Great_ party, Hux! Everything went swimmingly! I'm sure everyone will remember this for years to come!" Kylo yelled at the top of his lungs. And then, as anyone else would do under the circumstances, he Force-pushed Hux on his face and ran off, cackling with evil glee.

The party had been worth it just to see Hux fail so spectacularly.

Kylo almost found himself wishing there'd be another Christmas party next year.

 _Almost._


End file.
